Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Poll results and GEF

Ok, first off - poll's over and it looks like Maths/Science/Technology is the winner, closely followed by Parenting and Gender/Sexual Identity. So I better start thinking of things along those lines to blog about. Mental Illness, New/Politics and Tanks might get a token mention at some point.

But first - my weekend. The three of us went off to the Great Erdrejan Fayre at Locko Park. The weather stayed surprisingly dry but a bit too hot for the likes of us. We decided to let the Terror get involved with the kiddie plot and he apparently behaved himself (at least we had no complaints and he was good when I tagged along for the final encounter). He spent most of the rest of weekend following one group of children or another around and disobeying my orders to tell me where he was going before he went, but I think we struck a reaonable balance between allowing him his freedom and keeping an eye on him for safety. I think I missed him more than he missed me, anyway!

So I spent a fair amount of time in camp where he could find me if he needed to, but with nothing really to do. A bit of time on the gate, a lot of time dozing in the shade....obviously I did some healing, and even got to help out in a rite which was a bit scary (not least when we all got Decayed). But mostly I was an observer again - I do seem to treat larp as more of a spectator sport but there is still the possibility of my confidence growing and getting involved I suppose.

My SO had a good time, if being too busy to do the one thing sie wanted to do this weekend. There were some tears and snappiness on Monday morning as I stupidly forgot to take my meds and was stressed about packing up, but other than that I think I was mostly ok, if a little bored at times. Kept looking round traders thinking of stuff to get for my next character - but I doubt changing character would really get me more involved as it's still my shyness I need to overcome. On the plus side, we didn't drink much so came home with almost as much booze as we left with!

Ok, next blog post will be about....maths. Or science. Or technology. Or something.

Monday, May 18, 2009

New poll!

Well, I do keep meaning to write more and write more about stuff that isn't jusy how crap I'm feeling. But I think I need some incentive so I've created a poll which you should be able to see over there ----> just below the About Me bit. As I know at least - what, two, three? - people read this, I'll be disappointed if no-one or only Tom answers. As I'm sure you'll notice by the square boxes it's a "select as many options as you like" style poll, and feel free to suggest other topics by commenting on this post.

Then you might just have to poke me to actually write something, but we'll cross that bridge when forced to by the advancing tanks.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


The geek demigod that is Wil Wheaton has recently made an interesting post on his blog. Which got me thinking about my own self-identification as a geek.

I've always been different. No doubt about that. I may have been one of the popular kids in infant school but I soon grew out of that as I wanted to play games about mad scientists or superheroes and others just didn't. So I ended up with the ones who did - the ones who would play at Star Trek in the playground while other girls decided they were getting too old for make believe games. And yeah, sure, I stopped playing make believe for quite a while too, eventually. I got my kicks from books and TV instead.

I read SF and Terry Pratchett. I dabbled with Fighting Fantasy books and played with my brother's Advanced Heroquest more than he did. I wanted to be a physicist or an engineer or (finally) a mathematician when I got older. I soon decided I wasn't going to "grow up" - mathematicians never do, do they? And when I went to uni I was pretty convinced I was a geek and an outsider and so, being shy and stubborn, I didn't go out of my way to try and fit in. So I had a pretty lonely time really.

Until I might this guy. And he was a geek - a real one. A gamer who programmed and read real fantasy series and knew stuff - trivia and geeky stuff that I could never remember in a million years. (I think my brain just doesn't do well at retention of facts.) And so I got into Magic: the Gathering, and roleplaying, and pretty much discovered I loved it all.

And of course, now I was actually hanging out with geeks I discovered...how ungeeky I am. Or rather, how much a newbie I am. I've only been roleplaying five and a bit years now and haven't really played a lot of games in that time (the Terror gets in the way a bit). I don't code - I probably should learn something but I have great difficulty learning anything new as I don't have the patience and with programming something just doesn't seem to gel. I don't think the right way. (Must be because I'm a girl - ha!) And while I use Ubuntu I still have to look everything up whenever I need to do something. I don't really know how computers or operating systems or any of the programs actually work at all. There are tons and tons of films I just haven't seen - although Beloved and friends have been working on that. I've never played with numbers or shapes just to see how they fit together. I don't get the urge to take things apart to see how they work. And every area of geekiness I touch on, I just seem to fall short in some way. I'm a wannabe.

But you know what? I'm fine with that. So what if I'm the Eternal Newbie? At least I'm trying. I just feel guilty about calling myself a geek sometimes. But you guys don't mind, right?
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Friday, May 8, 2009

Time for an update?

I don't know what to say though. Same old s**t. Plodding on. Ups and downs. Downs seem to outnumbering the ups though. Which is possibly why I don't feel like saying much. I know most of my thoughts are illogical and I can just about cling on to the hope things will improve and I won't always feel this way. I know the things I should be doing and thinking and sometimes I even manage them. That doesn't stop now hurting any less though.
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